basically,, ,,,im goblim

emlyn/lee/elliot/aspen, they/he. lives in a blanket nest. is growing a beak to peck passers-by


Posts tagged commentary:

Commentary: bestiary: the wolf

a devotional poem for Fenrir

you can read it here

  • Fenrir's story is one that has resonated with me for a long time

  • this wolf, bound by the gods because of their fear of him, becoming the 'monster' they fear

  • he's never been a villain to me

  • he's trauma made flesh, and all the anger and pain that comes with it made into teeth and claws

  • the parts in italics were the first parts i wrote, a couple of months before the rest of the poem

  • i relate to fenrir a lot, and his anger, that righteous and painful anger

  • he was never given a chance to grow properly, never given a chance to prove he was more than the beast they expected him to be

feedback appreciated

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Commentary: What We Inherit: and what we find on mountains

a poem abt being trans

you can read it here (cw blood)

  • the name ceris is a combination of ceres (roman goddess of agriculture) and cerise (red colour). it also bears some resemblance to the name my mother gave me, so

  • i do hope this is clear in the poem but in case theres confusion abt the earth + sky metaphors its not womanhood and manhood, but dysphoria and euphoria

  • the earth/clay metaphor is more deeply explored in my other trans poem

  • i think this is linked to adhd but i struggle to conceptualise myself a lot, and often the easiest way for me to mentally process things is by imagining im speaking to/explaining things to someone

  • which is why theres a lot of distance in this poem, the 3rd person, the change of pronouns only with transition, the fact that our main character doesnt have a voice but is only expressed through his actions

if yall have feedback on my poems i appreciate it!

if you enjoy my writing and wanna help support me i would really appreciate if you could send me a few quid over on ko-fi

Commentary: Sublimity is hearing your heartbeat.

another poem for my bf bc,,,, gay

you can read it here

  • i uhhh dont have much to say abt this one

  • except that i spent a stupid amount of time googling music terms and didnt even use half of them but,, such is life

  • the I love you lines should actually be staggered but formatting :/

  • when i finished it i thought it was too cringey but actually i like it

  • i thought that the music theme would be awkward and forced, but i think i managed to do it smoothly (musicians,,, lmk how u feel ig)

feedback welcome!

if you like this poem and my others, consider donating a small amount to my ko-fi. it helps! or read my support me page

Commentary: bones and teeth and fractures

a devotional poem for ares

you can read it here

  • this is an odd kind of devotional poem, at least for me, because really it's a lot about myself

  • it's more like a prayer than a praising or worship of ares

  • the world is,,, scary rn

  • and with the internet we're able to see so much of the suffering that happens across the globe

  • i get overwhelmed with it all and i just want it all to stop i want it all to slow down just calm down

  • but it won't

  • it takes a lot of strength to face the world head on

  • i'm trying

  • i can't fix everything, but i'm trying, in lots of little ways, and i think that's the best any of us can do

  • i want to live in a better world, and that's worth fighting for

  • even if i'm not very strong or powerful

  • i can try, and hope, and help others

if you liked this poem and want to support me then please consider donating to my ko-fi, it really helps. or check out my support me page for other ways to help me out. i appreciate it

feedback welcome 👉👉

Commentary: labyrinthine

a poem for my bf!

you can read it here

  • i wrote this for bf a couple of months ago but i didnt want to post it because well,,, its for him

  • but he said all my work should be shared bc its really good (get urself a supportive bf lads) so here it is

  • its a little different in style from my other poems, i guess because its aimed at a specific person? all my poetry is coded in a sense, but most of my poems are meant to be decoded by anyone, rather than a particular someone. theres a personal kind of nature to it that might make it less appealing to other people? idk

  • i uhh dont Really wanna elaborate on this one too much since it is between me and bf fjdskl

  • but there was this royal park we went to in london, i think it was near black friar's bridge?

  • anyway we were tired and ill and then we found this park, this beautiful park

  • it was october so it wasnt in full bloom but there were some absolutely glorious dahlias

  • and there was this little path at the side where you could walk under eucalyptus trees with lavender below them

  • it was seriously beautiful, i fell so in love with that park

  • we spent a long time sat on the benches there, just being able to relax

  • it wasnt too far from the main road but it was like its own little world, enclosed, all hush and calm and wonderful

  • a lot of the time we spent in london was really hard work so having that peace in the park, it was incredible

  • i uh wasnt exactly looking for a relationship when bf came along

  • like i literally expected to never have a relationship again?

  • idk maybe it was just the depression or the isolation but i was comfortable in that

  • bf stresses me out a lot but,,, its better than that comfortable isolation

  • im growing, and hes growing, and were growing together. and we see each other, and we know each other, and we love each other, and all of that is just,, its everything to me

feedback appreciated!

if you enjoy my work and would like to support me, please consider donating to my Ko-Fi

Commentary: bait: and what of fear?

another of the poems from my inktober attempt

you can read it here

  • this poem kind of touches on a lot of ideas without going into them in depth

  • atlas is the titan who holds up the sky, and it's also the name of a (cool af) moth

  • i spent uhh a While researching moth bait for this poem (not that i used much of it in the poem but i do have some nice obscure knowledge to add to my obscure knowledge hoard)

  • most recipes include sugar and some kind of fruit

  • sometimes you feel like the whole world is your responsibility, especially with the internet the way it is i mean you get to hear about so many terrible things going on all the time and its so hard not to get overwhelmed by it even though so many of us have so little power as individuals

  • and its even harder when youre struggling yourself, especially with mental illness

  • a lot of days i cant even think about anything vaguely stressful bc i know ill have a breakdown and that makes it hard to do uh everything

  • i spend so much of my time just distracting myself from this great big ball of pain and hurt and anger inside me and it feels like im going nowhere bc i cant do anything i cant even face up to myself

  • and i know that i can so easily become addicted to things

  • its why i dont drink when im upset, i cant let it become a coping mechanism its why ive never tried other drugs even though ive had the opportunity

  • and sometimes its so fucking hard to just live

  • and you cant promise anything about the future so sometimes the only thing you can do is just say not today, i wont hurt myself today

  • anyway im sorry that this turned out to be,, whatever this is but uh its written so im posting it ig

feedback (on the poem, not on this mess) appreciated

if you like my work, please consider donating to my Ko-Fi

Commentary: Predators of a Different Breed

a good ol creepy poem

you can read it here

  • so, im not entirely happy with this one

  • but i just kept reworking it and reworking it, i toyed with the idea of making it into a short story, i cut stuff out and added more stuff and blah blah blah

  • anyway i decided to keep it as a poem and just decided to upload whats there even though its not at the standard i want it to be

  • this actually started out as the inktober prompt freeze, but it moved away from that

  • theres a lovecraft story in which someone manages to figure out how to preserve people and animals by dehydrating them? into powder

  • that obviously had an influence on this poem

  • i was trying to sort of explore the idea of preservation, of perfection

  • like these people with immaculate houses and uncomfortable plastic on the furniture, the kind of people who declaw cats and berate children for being children

  • just this very controlling nature, its awful and kind of scary to me

  • maybe the focus of this poem is wrong idk

  • maybe it Would have worked better as a short story, where i could expand that idea more

  • idk

  • it exists as it is for now, and I'll probably revisit these ideas at some point later

if you read my poem, let me know what you thought of it!

if you enjoy my work and want to support me, you can donate through my ko-fi, or here are some other ways to support me

Commentary: the fissures scar over stronger than before.

a poem for hestia!

you can read it here

  • the first wednesday of every month is devotional poem day!

  • ive been very,,,hesitant in my relationship with hestia

  • my home life at my parents isnt exactly ideal and so a goddess who rules over the home felt very distant from me

  • but at the same time i idolised her so much. the idea of a real, loving, accepting home seemed so fantastical to me

  • but recently, being able to be at my boyfriends a lot (where i am now) and starting to create a home there, ive been communicating more with hestia

  • theres not a lot here at the flat fdshkj and the heating system is failing, and my clothes are in a cardboard box, but its home and i love it

  • before long ill be able to live here full time! im excited

  • i sort of felt this before but its really clear to me now that home isnt about the big things, its about the little ones. its about the everyday, about how you feel when you wake up and getting excited over what youre having for tea tonight. i love it. i love being home.

Commentary: Muffled

a wintry poem! you can read it here

  • so yall know today is the xmas

  • but this is more of a yule poem ig (i celebrate both)

  • my poem Fin-de-Siècle was a Gothic portrayal of xmas and, more generally, winter

  • but i really do love this season

  • so i wanted to write a more positive poem

  • i used to live at the top of a hill, overlooking the practice field of a golf course

  • the view was incredible

  • honestly on bonfire night or new year, looking out to see all the fireworks across the hills? amazing

  • and when it snowed it was incredible

  • it wasnt exactly the countryside, but it wasnt far from it

  • and being tucked away from the main road meant that it was so quiet

  • and that was the mental image i had writing this poem, looking out over the hills at this blanketed landscape, with everything half-hidden by snow

  • and so beautifully quiet and still

  • this is probably the happiest and calmest poem ive written

  • its really simple and i love it

Commentary: mindless: with ymir's mist

another one of the lil poems i wrote for inktober but never got around to posting

you can read it here

  • this poem kind of starts out about my lack of spatial awareness

  • but evolves into a description of how my brain feels? to live in ig

  • like idk if its the adhd or the depression or,, whatever else i may have but my brain just feels Wrong a lot of the time

  • and i have this feeling a lot like somethings missing or im slower than everyone else (and i get bad brain fog too when im tired/ill//stressed/hungry/just tryna live my life)

  • and its weird because sometimes ill have moments of Perfect Clarity although that ends up closer to mania than neurotypica its very overwhelming

  • if you dont know the myth of ymir, he was essentially one of the first living beings in the universe according to norse mythology

  • and odin and his brothers chopped up his body to make the world

  • mountains? ymir's bones

  • seas? ymir's blood

  • the sky? ymir's skull

  • clouds? ymir's brain

  • so when i saw the prompt i thought of ymir and i thought of myself and i kinda chucked that into verse ig

if you liked this poem and wanna support me (money or not) then click here for a page on that

Commentary: Funeral for a Bee

hey look its me posting on time for once

you can read the poem here

cw mentions of animal abuse and bullying

  • so, ive been a vegetarian since i was about 7

  • i cared a lot (and still do) about animal rights

  • i was also an odd child

  • so my caring about animals was something bullies used against me

  • kids can be really cruel

  • they used to kill worms and flies in front of me just to upset me

  • in summer, i remember giving funerals to bees

  • i would try to tell people that they wouldnt sting you if you stayed still and didnt attack them

  • (they never listened to me)

  • they werent very long or dramatic or interesting

  • but i buried them in the ground because i knew that they mattered and i cared about them

  • even if no one else wanted to care

  • i try and do little things for animals

  • if i see a bee struggling, ill put it on a flower

  • i wish i could do more though

Commentary: ring: can you hear the susurrations?

a poem abt the weird noise i hear sometimes. you can read it here

  • okay so this was originally for inktober

  • i did like 4ish poems for inktober but uhh obviously i was Dead for most of the month

  • at the time i was writing this i thought i had some weird form of tinnitus where it comes and goes? yeah, turns out a lot of ppl with adhd hear silence as white noise

  • thank Fuck for the internet

  • anyway it used to scare me as a kid i hated it

  • bc it comes on gradually, and i couldnt stop it

  • but i dont mind it so much now!

  • it's just part of how the world works for me

Commentary: infinitely flexible but minimal

a poem about being trans !!! you can read it here

so ik wednesday is my usual upload day but last night,,, i forgot and honestly i havent uploaded anything in like 2 months so i just really wanted to get this posted fhdj hope yall can forgive me being inconsistent ik youre probably used to it

  • so i originally wrote this for the inktober prompt husky

  • i was thinking of husk like a shell

  • and i had this friend a few years ago and the way i came out to them as trans was by describing it as wearing a shell that someone had put on me

  • for a lot of my life, the entire way i acted was how i thought i Should be acting

  • i was trying so hard to be the perfect girl, it was a long time until i even thought to question if i Was a girl

  • lately ive been becoming more comfortable in my gender

  • really within the past year, ive made a lot of progress

  • im not there yet but im a lot better than i was

  • and being more comfortable in my gender has done Wonders for my mental health

  • the last part of this poem is my own little 'piss off' to the things that keep me from transitioning properly

  • after i wrote it, i saw this tumblr post and it reminded me of it:

  • I suppose being cis would be nice and all, but it doesn’t quite have the same “I will sieze Destiny by the throat and force it into the shape of my choosing” kind of verve

Commentary: The superficial sinks into the skin.

a wild foresty poem! you can read it here

  • this was me trying out a cascade poem!

  • in a cascade poem the lines of the first stanza form the final line of each subsequent stanza

  • i like the idea of the meaning of lines changing depending on their context, like the lines mean one thing in the first stanza and another thing somewhere else

  • im very about wordplay and double meanings so i think i might use this poetic form again

  • it was also a fun challenge

  • i also wanted to do a longer poem because ive noticed i used to do very long ones and recently ive been doing shorter ones?

  • theres nothing wrong with short poems i just wanted to break it up ig

  • anyway i did it abt a forest bc,,,, im obsessed

  • basically

  • im in the middle of editing a short story abt a forest (i will probably have it publish-ready by halloween so expect that) so its on my mind

  • and yeah i just really love being in the forest

  • i just wanna live my naturey life away from capitalism ygm?

  • i didnt originally intend to throw shade at my mother but u kno

  • whatever you cant say,,, make art out of,,,,,

  • sparassis crispa and ramaria formosa are mushrooms!

  • sparassis crispa is a cauliflower mushroom and ramaria formosa is a similr one which u dont wanna eat really bc its a purgative but yaknow purgatives have their uses,,,

  • i dont Actually know the difference mushrooms arent rlly my strong point but i got them from my foraging book

  • (which if u live in the uk is collins gem food for free i Highly recommend that and the other collins gem books)

  • but yeah! i always welcome feedback on my poems so :^) hope you enjoy

Commentary: My Love is Steel

you can read the poem here

  • this is my devotional poem to athena

  • the driving force in my life is knowledge and understanding, and i love learning, so i consider athena to be my patron

  • it kind of seems weird then that i havent done a devotional poem for her yet when ive done some for other deities that im less close to

  • but my relationship with athena feels a lot more formal than my relationship with hel or aphrodite

  • she scares me fdhjsfhjks

  • im afraid of messing up with her

  • but im p proud of this poem ! i think she appreciates it

  • i dont have a shrine to her i just have lots of athena-related ornaments on my desk bc when im at my desk working or reading i feel close to her

  • (i have a caesar pen holder and a fancy blue bookstand thing and a globe and a lantern and decorative scales with fake flowers in and so on)

  • i have an owl tealight holder which i sometimes light for her when i get round to tidying my desk (i have a mug problem)

  • so yeah athena isnt very comforting to me but she doesnt have to be?

  • i still love her as my teacher and mentor :^)

Commentary: a pause. in the core.

a lil one

link to the poem here

  • so for a few months i had this bad writers block

  • and i asked my tarot cards bc thats how i make decisions

  • and the answer i got was that i need to impose structure

  • so i thought hmm im gonna look up some poetic forms

  • and one of the things at the top of google was acrostic poems

  • which i dismissed (along with others) bc its what children do

  • and then i backtracked and went hang on why am i thinking that i could definitely do a grown up acrostic

  • so i did

  • and i did it about my struggle with verbal communication, which is a nice way to break my writers block

  • and now im back babey

Commentary: 3rd September 2019

kicking off my poem commentary with a wild one lmao its half 2 in the morning and i wrote a vent poem

you can read it here

  • we all know the state of politics right now

  • if youre not from the uk believe me its okay to not know what the fuck is going on in this country most of us dont even know

  • boris johnson (uk trump) or, as i like to call him, bollocks johnson, because thats all he spouts,

  • has been spouting bollocks

  • and im angry

  • (this is why i tend to avoid the news but today was important)

  • theres a lot of things that scare me right now, and this poem touches on some of them

  • but im mostly just angry

  • all the time

  • *insert hulk joke*

  • and i dont know what to do with that anger because i know that its largely useless, because people with power are making sure they keep that power

  • and their priority is in the short term

  • honestly theres not a lot of commentary for this because usually i hide shit behind metaphors but this poem is more just anger on a page fhdskj

  • its not as refined in terms of how it flows and in terms of techniques n shit listen i wrote this in an hour betwen 1 and 2 am

  • im tired

  • im angry

  • im gonna go to bed after this

  • commentary out ig (next one will be better i swear)